TAMED BY A HEARTBEAT!!!

This tale commences with a journey that began nearly three decades ago. It tells the tale of a girl; spirited, passionate and unmindful of the perils in life. As youth decrees, she was the mistress of her fate…sure of her powers, aware of her strengths, mindful of the weaknesses that sometimes threatened her independence. Nothing was amiss in her world where every circumstance could be bent to her will and all failures came coated with the promise of tomorrow.

This is the story of every girl…yet it’s my story. This could be every girl we know…yet it’s me! This journey that began with a girl…has become my story and hence the narrative from now on shall be mine. At the risk of being accused of narcissism, I shall proceed with my tale.

I have never really found it easy to conform to norms. When I was younger, the thrills of questioning tradition were often surpassed by the joys of breaking them. As a youngster, I believed that I was infallible…perhaps I still do. I love taking life by its horns and as a girl I did it with a single-mindedness that often made my parents question my genetic lineage! In many ways, I cannot deny that I am wild…not in pagan terms but in the sense of being uninhibited. I am not vain, yet I am proud of who I am. I am not callous, nor am I immune to the prudence of friends and family…yet, I believe in living life on my own terms.

Even my dear room mate has often been flummoxed by my zealousness and my quest to venture into unchartered territories! After nearly four blessed years of marital bliss, his initial sense of alarm has now turned into benign acceptance. I do occasionally bring out some measure of scepticism, but those occasions are few and far in between. Life was chugging along beautifully in this manner when a blast of expected events stopped me unexpectedly in my tracks!

It is perhaps one of life’s little ironies that things always come back full circle. Perhaps our Maker smiles at all our follies, content in the knowledge that he will always have the last laugh. This new twist in the tale is from a seemingly innocuous little identity that would soon be around to enrich our lives! All my bluster, all my bravado, all the mesmerising experiences; almost everything faded into oblivion the day we discovered life had a new gift in store for us. We were going to have a baby!!!

A baby!! As I devoured details from books, websites, doctors and folks, I was enthralled by the transformation that I noticed around me. All imperfections became insignificant. My routine…nee my life now hovered around the middle…my middle…my belly. The sanctum sanctorum of my new-found existence; where I was nurturing life. I never assumed for a minute that things would be any different than before. It was a new experience, no doubt, but like every other thing in the past, I assumed once the novelty wore off, I would accept things more realistically and move on. After all, this is me!

As days turned into weeks, scientific facts became physical reality. Changes to my anatomy were inevitable. I couldn’t refer to my belly as “stomach” any longer. It was now a womb. I was breathing for two, eating to nurture and living to provide for another. I was touched, honoured, awed and extremely humbled. As I grappled with these emotions that were new and totally unlike me…realisation soon dawned that I was fighting a losing battle to hold onto to the girl of the past. The girl was now a woman. And for the first time, I was a willing prisoner to circumstances beyond my control. Indeed, life had turned a full circle.

Every relationship has a turning point. A moment in time that is so significant, it overwhelms us with its poignancy and threatens to choke us into breathlessness. As the weeks progressed, and my attachment to the life within grew monumentally, I believed that I would now be adept at this new phase in life. Just when we decide we have mastered the unknown, the Maker smiles again. This time, when I felt His smile, I lay on the examination table…listening to the medical practitioner’s jargon and content in the knowledge that things were progressing well. My room mate lovingly held my hand in a gesture that bespoke of the joy we were sharing together. It was a scene straight out of a home-made family drama and I smiled as I thought of it.

Thup Thup Thup! Thup Thup Thup! Thup Thup Thup! I almost shot off the examination table. The hand that clasped mine, momentarily clenched with surprise and alarm! The doctor smiled knowingly and confirmed what we had briefly suspected. Twice as fast as mine, the staccato beats were assurance that our little one was fine. It was our first brush with the baby’s heartbeat!! We heard the little heart galloping away, singing the rhapsody of home-coming, telling us we had made magic possible. We heard it together, my room mate and I, holding each other’s hands, soaking in the sound and sending silent prayers to the Maker. I forgot him then, I forgot the world and I forgot my existence as I knew it; wanting only to listen to that heart-song forever. I knew then that life would never be the same; I would never be the same. The magic that had touched our lives that day still lingers and awes us. I cried copiously on that examination table, uncaring for eyes or ears that would perhaps belittle me later. My room mate sat there with a grin so infectious, it made the doctor comment that if it wasn’t for his ears, his grin would have gone right around his face!

I am amused by own gentle caution now. Every waking hour, every conscious thought, every desire, every action is now dictated by a love that has transcended the realms of choice. I am now a willing slave to a lifetime of possibilities. The impulsive girl has taken a backseat. In her place is the woman who has been tamed by a heartbeat!!